Funny Marriage Quotes

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste....
~David Bissonette

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.... .
~Hemant Joshi

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. ...
~Socrates

The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?
~Sigmund Freud

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.....
~Dumas

I had some words with my wife and she had some paragraphs with me....
~Anonymous

"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
~Henry Youngman

"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
~Sam Kinison

"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
~James Holt McGavran

"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't."
~Patrick Murray

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
~Nash

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.....
~Anonymous

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.....
~Henny Youngman

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.....
~Rodney Dangerfield

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.....
~Milton Berle

Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy....
~Anonymous

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
~Anonymous

First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second Guy "You're lucky, mine's still alive."


SEND THIS TO ALL THE GUYS TO GIVE THEM A GOOD LAUGH.....

AND TO THOSE LADIES WITH A SENSE OF HUMOUR WHO CAN HANDLE IT!