I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste....
~David Bissonette
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.... .
~Hemant Joshi
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. ...
~Socrates
The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?
~Sigmund Freud
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.....
~Dumas
I had some words with my wife and she had some paragraphs with me....
~Anonymous
"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
~Henry Youngman
"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
~Sam Kinison
"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
~James Holt McGavran
"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't."
~Patrick Murray
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
~Nash
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.....
~Anonymous
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.....
~Henny Youngman
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.....
~Rodney Dangerfield
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.....
~Milton Berle
Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy....
~Anonymous
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
~Anonymous
First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second Guy "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
SEND THIS TO ALL THE GUYS TO GIVE THEM A GOOD LAUGH.....
AND TO THOSE LADIES WITH A SENSE OF HUMOUR WHO CAN HANDLE IT!
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Friday, December 15, 2006
Think Before You Speak
Think before you speak...
Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak.
Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back... or that you could crawl into a hole?
Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....
FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"
I turned around and walked back out and never went back
My husband didn't say a word. He knew better.
SECOND TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.
I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.
After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the
good-looking gentlemen, Who works at the store.
He asked if he could help me.
Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like
playing with men's balls."
THIRD TESTIMONY:
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a
variety of candy and nuts.
As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter
asked if we needed any help.
I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts."
My sister started to laugh hysterically.
The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.
To this day, my sister has never let me forget.
FOURTH TESTIMONY:
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to
release some pent-up energy and ran amok.
I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of
disgust and annoyance from other patrons.
I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she
would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as
threatening,
"If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw
you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.
Even the tellers stopped what they were doing.
I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank
with my daughter in tow.
The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were
screams of laughter.
FIFTH TESTIMONY:
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?
My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training
and I was on him constantly.
One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between
errands.
It was very busy, with a full dining room.
While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny,
So of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean.
Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while.
I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No".
I kept thinking "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I
don't have any clothes with me."
Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?"
"No," he replied.
I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell
was getting worse.
So, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?"
This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over, spread
his cheeks and yelled
"SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"
While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he
calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.
An old couple made me feel better, thanking me for the best laugh
they'd ever had!
LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a
very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future,
likely think before she speaks.
What happens when you predict snow but don't get any!
We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to
have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So
Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"
Not only did He have to leave the set, but half the crew did too
they were laughing so hard!
Now, didn't that feel good?
Pass it on to someone you know who needs a laugh and remember we
all say things we don't really mean, so think before you speak
Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak.
Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back... or that you could crawl into a hole?
Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....
FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"
I turned around and walked back out and never went back
My husband didn't say a word. He knew better.
SECOND TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.
I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.
After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the
good-looking gentlemen, Who works at the store.
He asked if he could help me.
Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like
playing with men's balls."
THIRD TESTIMONY:
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a
variety of candy and nuts.
As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter
asked if we needed any help.
I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts."
My sister started to laugh hysterically.
The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.
To this day, my sister has never let me forget.
FOURTH TESTIMONY:
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to
release some pent-up energy and ran amok.
I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of
disgust and annoyance from other patrons.
I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she
would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as
threatening,
"If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw
you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.
Even the tellers stopped what they were doing.
I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank
with my daughter in tow.
The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were
screams of laughter.
FIFTH TESTIMONY:
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?
My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training
and I was on him constantly.
One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between
errands.
It was very busy, with a full dining room.
While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny,
So of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean.
Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while.
I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No".
I kept thinking "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I
don't have any clothes with me."
Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?"
"No," he replied.
I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell
was getting worse.
So, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?"
This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over, spread
his cheeks and yelled
"SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"
While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he
calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.
An old couple made me feel better, thanking me for the best laugh
they'd ever had!
LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a
very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future,
likely think before she speaks.
What happens when you predict snow but don't get any!
We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to
have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So
Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"
Not only did He have to leave the set, but half the crew did too
they were laughing so hard!
Now, didn't that feel good?
Pass it on to someone you know who needs a laugh and remember we
all say things we don't really mean, so think before you speak
Monday, December 04, 2006
Alyssa Alano's Full Version of "Whenever, Wherever"
She is serious here.. that's how she pronounce the lyrics..
Watch the interview...
Related Video:
"Keys Me" By Alyssa Alano
Watch the interview...
Related Video:
"Keys Me" By Alyssa Alano
Thursday, November 30, 2006
Food for Today
A Teacher in an Elementary school loves to cook and every morning she will ask the students what kind of meat they ate after she let them taste whatever she cooked.
First day, after cooking a chicken, she let the students taste the chicken meat that she cooked and then asked the students a question.
Teacher: Class, what kind meat did you eat today?
Students: Chicken Mam!!. Chicken. All most all of them at the same time.
Next day, the teacher cooked "Beef" then asked the students the following morning what kind of meat they ate.
Teacher: Class, what kind of meat did you ate today?
Students: Beef!!.. Beef Mam (all the same time again).
The 3rd day she cooked a "deer meat" then asked the students the same question.
Teacher: OK class, what kind of meat are you eating today.
Since that is the first time they eat a deer they can't tell what kind of meat they are eating. The Teacher decided to give them a clue. Class, I will give you a clue, this is how your Dad call your mom in the morning. One of the students shouted on top of his voice and told his classmates,
Student: Spit it out!!.. spit it out!!.. IT'S AN ASSHOLE!!!... Spit it out!!!....
First day, after cooking a chicken, she let the students taste the chicken meat that she cooked and then asked the students a question.
Teacher: Class, what kind meat did you eat today?
Students: Chicken Mam!!. Chicken. All most all of them at the same time.
Next day, the teacher cooked "Beef" then asked the students the following morning what kind of meat they ate.
Teacher: Class, what kind of meat did you ate today?
Students: Beef!!.. Beef Mam (all the same time again).
The 3rd day she cooked a "deer meat" then asked the students the same question.
Teacher: OK class, what kind of meat are you eating today.
Since that is the first time they eat a deer they can't tell what kind of meat they are eating. The Teacher decided to give them a clue. Class, I will give you a clue, this is how your Dad call your mom in the morning. One of the students shouted on top of his voice and told his classmates,
Student: Spit it out!!.. spit it out!!.. IT'S AN ASSHOLE!!!... Spit it out!!!....
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