Friday, August 25, 2006

Jim's Physical Defect

Jim decided to propose to Sandy. But, prior to her acceptance, Sandy had to confess to her man about her childhood illness. She informed Jim that she suffered a disease that left her breasts at the maturity of a 12-year-old. He stated that it was OK because he loved her so much.

However, Jim felt this was also the time for him to open up and admit that he also had a deformity. Jim looked Sandy in the eyes and said, "I, too, have a problem. My penis is the same size as an infant and I hope you could deal with that once we are married."

She said, "Yes, I will marry you and learn to live with your infant size penis."

Sandy and Jim got married and they could not wait for the honeymoon. Jim whisked Sandy off to their hotel suite and they started touching, teasing, holding one another. As Sandy put her hands in Jim's pants, she began to scream and ran out of the room! Jim ran after her to find out what was wrong.

She said, "You told me your penis was the size of an infant!"

"Yes it is.....7 pounds, 5 ounces, 19 inches long!!"

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

First Grader Boy Got Promoted to College

A first-grade teacher, Ms Neelam was having
trouble with one of her students the teacher
asked,”Boy, what is your problem?”

Boy answered, “I’m too smart for the first-grade.
My sister is in the third-grade and I’m smarter than
she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!”

Ms. Neelam had enough. She took Boy to the
principal’s office.

While Boy waited in the outer office, the teacher
explained to the principal what the situation was.
The principal told Ms Neelam he would give the
boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his
questions he was to go back to the first-grade and
behave. She agreed.

Boy was brought in and the conditions were
explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: “What is 3 x 3?”

Boy: “9″.

Principal: “What is 6 x 6?”

Boy: “36″.

And so it went with every question the principal
thought a third-grade should know. The principal
looks at Ms. Neelam and tells her, “I think Boy
can go to the third-grade.”

Ms. Neelam says to the principal, “I have some of
my own questions.

Can I ask him ?” The principal and Boy both agree.

Ms. Neelam asks, “What does a cow have four of
that I have only two of?

Boy, after a moment “Legs.”

Ms. Neelam: “What is in your pants that you have
but I do not have?”

Boy: “Pockets”

Ms. Neelam: What starts with a C and ends with a
T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish
liquid?

Boy: Coconut

Ms. Neelam: What goes in hard and pink then
comes out soft and sticky?

The principal’s eyes open really wide and before he
could stop the answer, Boy was taking charge.

Boy: Bubblegum

Ms. Neelam: What does a man do standing up, a
woman does sitting down and a dog does on three
legs?

The principal’s eyes open really wide and before he
could stop the answer…

Boy: Shake hands

Ms. Neelam: Now I will ask some “Who am I” sort
of questions, okay?

Boy: Yep.

Ms. Neelam: You stick your poles inside me. You
tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.

Boy: Tent

Ms. Neelam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with
me when you’re bored. The best man always has
me first.

The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and
took one large Patiala Vodka peg.

Boy: Wedding Ring

Ms. Neelam: I come in many sizes. When I’m not
well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.

Boy: Nose

Ms. Neelam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates.
I come with a quiver.

Boy: Arrow

Ms. Neelam: What word starts with a ‘F’ and ends
in ‘K’ that means lot of heat and excitement?

Boy: Firetruck

Ms. Neelam: What word starts with a ‘F’ and ends
in ‘K’ & if u dont get it u have to use ur hand.

Boy: Fork

Ms. Neelam: What is it that all men have one of
it’s longer on some men than on others, the pope
doesn’t use his and a man gives it to his wife after
they’re married?

Boy: SURNAME

Ms. Neelam: What part of the man has no bone
but has muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping,
& is responsible for making love ?

Boy: HEART.

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to
the teacher, “Send this Boy to the University, I got
the last ten questions wrong myself!”

Sunday, August 06, 2006

Pinoy Joke: Pinoy Applying for a Job at Walmart

An office manager at Wal-Mart was given the task of hiring an individual to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified -- an American, a Russian, an Australian and a Filipino.

He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine who of them would get the job.

The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table the interviewer asked, "What is the fastest thing you know?" Dave, the American, replied, "A THOUGHT . It just pops into your head. There's no warning that it's on the way; it's just there. A thought is the fastest thing I know of."

"That's very good!" replied the interviewer.

"And now you sir?" he asked Vladimir, the Russian.

"Hmm.... let me see. A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know."

"Excellent!" said the interviewer. "The blink of an eye, that's a very popular cliche for speed."

He then turned to George, the Australian who was contemplating his reply. "Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light in the barn comes on. Yep, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of."

The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man. "It's hard to beat the speed of light" he said.

Turning to Eleuterio, the Filipino, the fourth and final man, the interviewer posed the same question. Eleuterio replied, "Apter herring da 3 preybyus ansers sir, et's obyus to me dat the fastest thing is Diarrhea."

"WHAT!?" said the interviewer, stunned by the response. The others were already giggling in their seats...

"Oh, I can expleyn sir,." said Eleuterio. " You see, sir, da ader day my tummy was peeling bad and so I run so fast to the CR, but before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, 'Tang Ina (SOB) , sir, I had olreydi shit in my pants!"

Eleuterio is now the new "Greeter" at Wal-Mart.