Pinoy Jokes: Magaling ang Pinoy!

I. Ang galing ng Pilipino:
1) A couple placed an ad,”Have 4 sons, need advice on how to get a daughter.”
Responses: Yank: Keep trying!
Briton: Change doctor!
Aussie: Follow a special diet.
Indian: Practice Yoga!
Pinoy: LET ME TRY!

2) Population policies of countries:
China: Stop at 1 child.
Singapore: Stop at 2 children.
Phil: STOP AT 4 A.M.!

3) Ano kadalasan ang sinasabi kapag nautot?
(what does one say when they fart?)
American: Excuse me.
British: Pardon me.
Pinoy: NOT ME!

II. Married Life
1) May isang tsinoy na sa sobrang hilig sa karaoke ay inabot ng 5 am.
Dahil sa takot mabugbog ni misis, nag-text ng: “HUWAG KA BAYAD
RANSOM. NAKATAKAS AKO. UWI NA KO!”

2) Husband: “Parati na lang tayo away! Maghiwalay na lang tayo!”
Wife: “Sige, maghati tayo ng mga anak!”
Husband: “Akin ang mga guwapo at maganda!”
Wife: “Sus! Pinili pa yung hindi kanya!”

3) Sa harap ng nursery window;
Friend: Pare, pag laki ng anak mo, am sure magaling mag-drive
Dad: Bakit, pare, malaki ba ang kamay?
Friend: Hindi. Kasi kamukha siya ng driver ninyo!

4) Husband came home from church, suddenly lifted his wife and carried her.
Wife: Why? Did the Pastor tell you to be romantic like this?
Husband: No! He told me to carry my cross!

5) Husband: “Ang iniiyakan ko lang naman eh bakit gumaganti ka ng kadyot habang ginagahasa ka ng tulisan?!”
Wife: “Hay naku, Honey … SELF DEFENSE lang yung akin”

6) Friend: “Wow, pare, ganda ng shoes mo, ah!”
Husband: “Oo. Surprise gift ng kumare mo!”
Friend: “Surprise? Ano occasion?”
Husband: “Wala. Nakita ko na lang sa ilalim ng kama namin kagabi!”

III. Other Jokes:

1) Health Advisory: “Beer contains female hormones, and can turn men into women. After 5 pints…. men become talkative, unreasonable, irritable, cry for nothing, and urinate while sitting !”

2) Little girl: “Mom, I just found out that the boy next door has a penis like a peanut!”
Mommy: “You mean, it’s small?”
Little girl: “No, it’s SALTY”

3) Question: Who designed the female human body?
Answer: A Civil Engineer. who else would run a toxic waste pipeline thru a recreational area?!

4) Our brain is made up of 2 parts, the left and the right part. With our politicians, the problem is that: The LEFT has nothing RIGHT in it, and The RIGHT has nothing LEFT in it!

5) Sa hardin ng Paraiso …
Adam: Lord, di ko na kaya ang tukso ng ahas sa akin!
Lord: Maging matatag ka, anak. Ano ba ang tukso sa iyo?
Adam: SUPOT! SUPOT!