How to tell if you're a real Pinoy

• you're related to everyone.
  
• your parents call each other "Mommy" and "Daddy"
  
• you have uncles and aunts names Boy, Girlie, or Baby.
  
• you have relatives whose nicknames consist of repeated syllables, such as Jun-Jun, Ling-Ling, Mon-Mon.
  
• you call the parents of your friends and your own parents' friends "Tito and "Tita."
  
• All of your children have 4 or 5 names.
  
• you greet your elders by touching their hands to your forehead.
  
• you always kiss your relatives on the cheek whenever you enter or leave a room.
  
• your grandmother greets you by giving you "smelling kisses."
  
• you live with your parents until - and at times even after you're married.
  
• you can't build or buy a house unless you first consult a feng shui expert.
  
• your house has a distinctive smell.
  
• you decorate your living room wall with your family's framed diplomas and certificates.
  
• you decorate your dining room wall with a giant wooden spoon and fork and a picture of the Last Supper.
  
• you keep your furniture wrapped in plastic.
  
• most of your home decor is made out of wicker.
  
• your house has a "dirty" kitchen and a "clean" kitchen.
  
• your kitchen table has a vinyl tablecloth.
  
• you recycle plastic shopping bags as garbage bags.
  
• you own "Footsteps in the Sand" poster.
  
• you have a piano that no one plays.
  
• you keep a tabo in your bathroom.
  
• you own a "barrel man."
  
• you use a stone to scrub yourself in the shower.
  
• you use Vicks Vapor Rub as an insect repellant.
  
• your meal isn't complete without rice.
  
• you use your fingers to measure the water you need to cook rice.
  
• you can't eat a meal without a spoon and fork.
  
• you feel insulted if your visitors don't eat what you offer them.
  
• you always cook 3 times more than what your visitors can consume, when there's a party.
  
• your pantry is never without Spam, Vienna sausage, corned beef, and sardines.
  
• you can't enjoy a meal without patis or bagoong.
  
• you eat fried Spam and hotdogs with rice.
  
• you eat mangoes with rice - with great gusto.
  
• you enjoy chocolate rice pudding and dried salted fish for breakfast.
  
• you have a rosary or "fake bananas" hanging from your rear view mirror.
  
• you tail an ambulance or cop just to beat the traffic.
  
• your car horn can either laugh, bark, or moo.
  
• your car plays a song when it backs up.
  
• you can squeeze 15 passengers into your Honda Civic without a second thought.
  
• you think traffic regulations are recommendations, not rules.
  
• you think that traffic signs apply to everybody except yourself.
  
• you point with your lips.
  
• you eat using your hands and have it down to technique.
  
• your other piece of luggage is a balikbayan box.
  
• you collect items from hotels or restaurants "for souvenir's sake."
  
• you go to a department store and try to bargain the prices.
  
• you use an umbrella for shade on hot summer days.
  
• you scratch your head when you don't know the answer.
  
• you play pusoy and mahjong.
  
• you put your hand in front of you as if to make a path and say "Excuse, excuse" when you pass in between people or in front of them.
  
• you buy tons of bath towels when they go on sale.
  
• you still wear outdated clothes you have when you first came to the USA.
  
• you say "comfort room" instead of "bathroom"
  
• you say "for take out" instead of "to go."
  
• you "open" or "close" the lights.
  
• you ask for "Colgate" instead of "toothpaste."
  
• you say Kodakan instead of "take a picture."
  
• you turn around when someone says "pssst."
  
• you say "Cutex" instead of "nail polish."
  
• you say "he" when you mean "she" and vice versa.
  
• you say "air-con" instead of "a/c" or air conditioner.
  
• you pronounce "F" for "P" or "P" for "F".
  
• you own a karaoke system.
  
• you have 5 pairs of tsinelas on your doorstep.
  
• you refer to your VCR as the "Beytamax"
  
• you have a rice dispenser with a matching rice cooker.
  
• you own a Mercedez and call it "chedeng"
  
• you have "My Shaldan" air freshener in your car.
  
• you were raised to believe that every Filipino has an aunt, uncle, and cousins.
  
• your mom or sister is a nurse.
  
• you consider dilis the Filipino equivalent of french fries.
  
• you dip bread in your morning coffee.
  
• "Goldilocks" means more to you than just a character in a fairy tale.
  
• your baon is usually something over rice.
  
• you eat rice for breakfast.
  
• you wash and re-use plastic utensils and styrofoam cups.
  
• you have a supply of frozen lumpia in the freezer.
  
• you have an ice-shaver for making halo-halo.
  
• you have to have a bottle of Jufran handy.
  
• you know that chocolate meat isn't really made out of chocolate.
  
• you spend Holy Week either performing acts of penitence or vacationing.
  
• you get together with family at a cemetery on All Saints' Day to eat, drink, and tell stories by your loved ones' graves.
  
• you think the Christmas season begins in September and ends in January.